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Tuesday, March 02, 2004 · posted at 4:06 AM

In typical banshee fashion, I spaced on my original point, which is Things I Learned in Traffic School:

The fun graduation tassel, lucky Chinese ornament, rosary beads and cross hanging from the rearview? All violations of California vehicular code which states that nothing should obstruct your view, including decorative accents on the rearview mirror. Call me a rebel, but I’ve got a My Little Pony charm sitting in its hemp b-a-n-s-h-e-e swing hanging from the rearview (courtesy of Hotel Pan and Karen, respectively). Who says the old and the new can’t mix?

End list. Just as I am an army of one, and party of one, this is a list of one.

For any of you who do need Traffic School, I highly recommend Traffic School Online. Eye-appealing interface, professional (no crying eagles in sight!), and slightly funny!

Okay so it’s a little bit of a gimmick because after Lesson 3 (read: after you pay them $24.95) the laughs stop and it’s just read, click, read, click, read, click… or if you’re really smart copy & paste, click, copy & paste click… But every once in a while they’ll slip in a line like “Don’t be a Hoover” (pertaining to driving slow in the fast lane) and "Watching the pretty girl or handsome guy is another quick way to join the Stupid Club" (I’m not only the president… I’m also a member).

They also list (yes, a real list, not this one number nonsense) Top Excuses for Not Wearing a Seatbelt Refuted:

"I'm a good driver, and I'm careful."
Yep, that and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee. Buckle up, Racecar Driver.

"I'm a strong dude. I can brace myself."
Dream on. What would happen if a person had to catch a 300-pound barbell dropped on him from 20 feet in the air? Think you could do it? No, of course, you couldn't; no one could. Buckle up, Superman.

If there is a fire, I don't want to be trapped."
If people really want to get out quickly, have them leave their seat belt off. In an impact, they will have a good chance of being ejected from the vehicle. That will get them out quickly. Consider this: There is only a 1% chance of fire on impact and a 99% chance of not having a fire. Also, without a seat belt, people are much more likely to hit their heads. How fast can someone leave a burning vehicle when he or she is unconscious? Buckle up, Smokey the Bear.

"What if the car goes into the water?"
Give me a break. People should endanger their lives 9,999 times for that one chance in 10,000 that they will go in the drink? Besides, the same arguments for fire apply for water. Buckle up, Jacques Cousteau.

Okay so I’m easily amused… it’s a traffic school, I have nil expectations.

And if there’s one lesson I walk away with, it’s this misandrous one. Beware… your jilted ex-girlfriend may one day be using you as case study...

When a male's emotional growth is stunted, he will sometimes try to compensate by using his vehicle to prove his masculinity. Filled with doubts about his adequacy, he drives in a manner he assumes a virile, sexy, dangerous male would drive - fast, reckless, and flouting the rules at every turn. That is what many little boys think a real man is like, and that is why male drivers under the age of 25 have the most crashes.
-- Traffic School Online
_______________
Today's new word to use and abuse: lollygag (courtesy of May)



	Tuesday, March 02, 2004 · posted at 4:06 AM In typical banshee fashion, I spaced on my original point, which is Things I Learned in Traffic School: The fun graduation tassel, lucky Chinese ornament, rosary beads and cross hanging from the rearview? All violations of California vehicular code which states that nothing should obstruct your view, including decorative accents on the rearview mirror. Call me a rebel, but I’ve got a My Little Pony charm sitting in its hemp b-a-n-s-h-e-e swing hanging from the rearview (courtesy of Hotel Pan and Karen, respectively). Who says the old and the new can’t mix? End list. Just as I am an army of one, and party of one, this is a list of one. For any of you who do need Traffic School, I highly recommend Traffic School Online. Eye-appealing interface, professional (no crying eagles in sight!), and slightly funny! Okay so it’s a little bit of a gimmick because after Lesson 3 (read: after you pay them $24.95) the laughs stop and it’s just read, click, read, click, read, click… or if you’re really smart copy & paste, click, copy & paste click… But every once in a while they’ll slip in a line like “Don’t be a Hoover” (pertaining to driving slow in the fast lane) and "Watching the pretty girl or handsome guy is another quick way to join the Stupid Club" (I’m not only the president… I’m also a member). They also list (yes, a real list, not this one number nonsense) Top Excuses for Not Wearing a Seatbelt Refuted: "I'm a good driver, and I'm careful." Yep, that and fifty cents will get you a cup of coffee. Buckle up, Racecar Driver. "I'm a strong dude. I can brace myself." Dream on. What would happen if a person had to catch a 300-pound barbell dropped on him from 20 feet in the air? Think you could do it? No, of course, you couldn't; no one could. Buckle up, Superman. If there is a fire, I don't want to be trapped." If people really want to get out quickly, have them leave their seat belt off. In an impact, they will have a good chance of being ejected from the vehicle. That will get them out quickly. Consider this: There is only a 1% chance of fire on impact and a 99% chance of not having a fire. Also, without a seat belt, people are much more likely to hit their heads. How fast can someone leave a burning vehicle when he or she is unconscious? Buckle up, Smokey the Bear. "What if the car goes into the water?" Give me a break. People should endanger their lives 9,999 times for that one chance in 10,000 that they will go in the drink? Besides, the same arguments for fire apply for water. Buckle up, Jacques Cousteau. Okay so I’m easily amused… it’s a traffic school, I have nil expectations. And if there’s one lesson I walk away with, it’s this misandrous one. Beware… your jilted ex-girlfriend may one day be using you as case study... When a male's emotional growth is stunted, he will sometimes try to compensate by using his vehicle to prove his masculinity. Filled with doubts about his adequacy, he drives in a manner he assumes a virile, sexy, dangerous male would drive - fast, reckless, and flouting the rules at every turn. That is what many little boys think a real man is like, and that is why male drivers under the age of 25 have the most crashes. -- Traffic School Online _______________ Today's new word to use and abuse: lollygag (courtesy of May)	Recent Posts I just finished my online traffic school (www.traf... Morning news babie goose ryan bluemouse daves son dawntaught desiree diorama emily escadawg galveric high entropy invisible cube jepgato kyellow lilly mhuang mogbert nudream starfish + coffee verbivore Archives March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 January 2007 March 2007 April 2007 November 2008

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