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Wednesday, November 10, 2004 · posted at 2:41 AM

Can you hear me now?

It's a big decision. It's the biggest commitment of our 20-something years.

I recently switched my cellphone carrier. No longer am I "reaching out and touching someone," but now "getting more from life." In other words, I'm one of the millions swayed by Catherine Zeta-Jones' and UPN Top Model's celebrity influences to join the legions at T-mobile. This also means that anyone with T-mobile is welcome to call me anytime but those without may be sent straight to voicemail.

Picking a cellphone service was a long and harrowing ordeal including Excel spreadsheets, internet research, surveys among friends, and shameless flirting with the AT&T sales representatives.

Obsessive, yes, but it's hard for me to make lengthy commitments – I can't even commit to a Costco size of shampoo. It's not the actual carrying out of the commitment that's so scary - I can do one thing for an extraordinarily long period of time (see job entries). The fear comes from the lack of freedom in the matter. Even though I may not fly away from my little cage, I like the door to be open.

And because a cellphone contract is the biggest commitment many of us will make this year, the relationship between cellphone and customer can be likened to other committing relationships, particularly those of a romantic variety. Thus I went about picking my new carrier in the same methodological, checklisted way one would pick a significant other.

Need. What is it that you want? Or think you need? No relationship starts without some kind of need and some kind of attempt to meet it.
Phone: Need to be accessible with the touch of a speed dial button? Need picture-taking capabilities? Need roadside assistance? Need to be able to call your pop culture afficiando friend when you have an earwig?
People: Need security? Need to feel validated? Need a #1 fan? Need to get laid?

Time. When it comes to time, you are Goldilocks and you want Baby Bear's porridge.
Phone: Is your plan giving you too little minutes? Too many minutes?
People: Is he too 24/7? Is she too leap year?

Cost. Is it worth the price? There are many ways to pay for something... what kind of investment are you willing to make?
Phone: Is your bill a reasonable price for the service you're getting? More money for more quality? Less for the chipper chicken?
People: Is the relationship draining you, emotionally, temporally or financially? Do you have a basement bargain deal?

Reliability. Can you count on the other party? You want the other party to be there for you when it.
Phone: Do you frequently have dropped calls or no signals?
People: Canceled dates, missed calls, unavailablity?

Communication. What is the quality of the talks you're awarded?
Phone: Crystal clear or static-y? Patchy or consistent? Only when important or only when superficial?
People: Different wavelengths? Different languages or dictionaries? Is his silence golden?

Friends. What do your friends think about your relationship? They can be a key selling point in starting, maintaining or ending a relationship.
Phone: Do your network provider and your friends vibe well? Do you have free calling within your network and none of your friends are in it?
People: Does your significant other and your friends vibe well? If they don't, you're setting yourself up for awkward outings or a tough choice.

Incentives. What additional perks do you get?
Phone: Free nights? Free weekends? Phone upgrades every year?
People: 40% Employee discount? Great family? 24/7 tech advice?

In likening the cell phone relationship to a real relationship, the cell phone would be the physical manifestation (the body), of the services the company provides (the personality). In switching cell phone carriers, I also had to give up my handy dandy Nokia messaging phone. Moment of silence.

It's always difficult to part with a cell phone you've grown accustomed to. I'm comfortable with my Nokia. I liked the volume control, the tones, the shape, its flip messaging capabilities... Finding my phone in my purse was never a problem because of its size and the 4.3 oz weight meant I'd always know when it was on me.

Karen already bore the brunt of the "This Samsung is too light, the address book doesn't make sense, wah wah" rant so I'll spare the remaining two readers. Sure the new phone has additional features, but more doesn't necessarily imply better. That's like a new boyfriend saying "Guess what – I have an 11th toe!" "I hope you like back hair…"

In both phone and people relationships, when you're no longer happy, you take your business elsewhere. This comes in the form of the "we need to talk" conversation. Sometimes there will be a last ditch attempt to hold on, such as, "I'll change!" "How would you like evenings starting at 7pm?" Usually this kind of negotiaion comes too late … because a call to customer service and "we need to talk" never means that so much as "I've made a decision and need to tell you something."

Regardless of whether you choose Sprint or Verizon, the captain of the football team or the president of the comic book club, you usually, at some point, attain that good ole comfort factor. You know when to curtail a conversation because you're approaching the "no service" zone down the hill. You know what time of the month to avoid making any kind of comment because they are all interpreted as inflammatory. You get too lazy at the prospect of another excel-powered search and think, "good enough." And it is rather comforting, to always know what you're getting... even if it's not exactly what you want.



	Wednesday, November 10, 2004 · posted at 2:41 AM Can you hear me now? It's a big decision. It's the biggest commitment of our 20-something years. I recently switched my cellphone carrier. No longer am I "reaching out and touching someone," but now "getting more from life." In other words, I'm one of the millions swayed by Catherine Zeta-Jones' and UPN Top Model's celebrity influences to join the legions at T-mobile. This also means that anyone with T-mobile is welcome to call me anytime but those without may be sent straight to voicemail. Picking a cellphone service was a long and harrowing ordeal including Excel spreadsheets, internet research, surveys among friends, and shameless flirting with the AT&T sales representatives. Obsessive, yes, but it's hard for me to make lengthy commitments – I can't even commit to a Costco size of shampoo. It's not the actual carrying out of the commitment that's so scary - I can do one thing for an extraordinarily long period of time (see job entries). The fear comes from the lack of freedom in the matter. Even though I may not fly away from my little cage, I like the door to be open. And because a cellphone contract is the biggest commitment many of us will make this year, the relationship between cellphone and customer can be likened to other committing relationships, particularly those of a romantic variety. Thus I went about picking my new carrier in the same methodological, checklisted way one would pick a significant other. Need. What is it that you want? Or think you need? No relationship starts without some kind of need and some kind of attempt to meet it. Phone: Need to be accessible with the touch of a speed dial button? Need picture-taking capabilities? Need roadside assistance? Need to be able to call your pop culture afficiando friend when you have an earwig? People: Need security? Need to feel validated? Need a #1 fan? Need to get laid? Time. When it comes to time, you are Goldilocks and you want Baby Bear's porridge. Phone: Is your plan giving you too little minutes? Too many minutes? People: Is he too 24/7? Is she too leap year? Cost. Is it worth the price? There are many ways to pay for something... what kind of investment are you willing to make? Phone: Is your bill a reasonable price for the service you're getting? More money for more quality? Less for the chipper chicken? People: Is the relationship draining you, emotionally, temporally or financially? Do you have a basement bargain deal? Reliability. Can you count on the other party? You want the other party to be there for you when it. Phone: Do you frequently have dropped calls or no signals? People: Canceled dates, missed calls, unavailablity? Communication. What is the quality of the talks you're awarded? Phone: Crystal clear or static-y? Patchy or consistent? Only when important or only when superficial? People: Different wavelengths? Different languages or dictionaries? Is his silence golden? Friends. What do your friends think about your relationship? They can be a key selling point in starting, maintaining or ending a relationship. Phone: Do your network provider and your friends vibe well? Do you have free calling within your network and none of your friends are in it? People: Does your significant other and your friends vibe well? If they don't, you're setting yourself up for awkward outings or a tough choice. Incentives. What additional perks do you get? Phone: Free nights? Free weekends? Phone upgrades every year? People: 40% Employee discount? Great family? 24/7 tech advice? In likening the cell phone relationship to a real relationship, the cell phone would be the physical manifestation (the body), of the services the company provides (the personality). In switching cell phone carriers, I also had to give up my handy dandy Nokia messaging phone. Moment of silence. It's always difficult to part with a cell phone you've grown accustomed to. I'm comfortable with my Nokia. I liked the volume control, the tones, the shape, its flip messaging capabilities... Finding my phone in my purse was never a problem because of its size and the 4.3 oz weight meant I'd always know when it was on me. Karen already bore the brunt of the "This Samsung is too light, the address book doesn't make sense, wah wah" rant so I'll spare the remaining two readers. Sure the new phone has additional features, but more doesn't necessarily imply better. That's like a new boyfriend saying "Guess what – I have an 11th toe!" "I hope you like back hair…" In both phone and people relationships, when you're no longer happy, you take your business elsewhere. This comes in the form of the "we need to talk" conversation. Sometimes there will be a last ditch attempt to hold on, such as, "I'll change!" "How would you like evenings starting at 7pm?" Usually this kind of negotiaion comes too late … because a call to customer service and "we need to talk" never means that so much as "I've made a decision and need to tell you something." Regardless of whether you choose Sprint or Verizon, the captain of the football team or the president of the comic book club, you usually, at some point, attain that good ole comfort factor. You know when to curtail a conversation because you're approaching the "no service" zone down the hill. You know what time of the month to avoid making any kind of comment because they are all interpreted as inflammatory. You get too lazy at the prospect of another excel-powered search and think, "good enough." And it is rather comforting, to always know what you're getting... even if it's not exactly what you want.	Recent Posts From a strictly economic perspective, the market f... 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