Saturday, January 29, 2005 · posted at 6:16 AM
Dear Abby... Due to a series of unfortunate events recently, I have decided it is entirely appropriate to visit the wonderful world of movie etiquette.

I'm not talking about the in-movie etiquette (e.g. refraining from: bringing little ones in Pampers, chewing/slurping loudly, removing your shoes, answering phone calls, putting your feet on the seat in front of you... when there's a person sitting there), though this too is important to the movie-going experience.

What I'm talking about is an even more critical factor: pre-movie etiquette.

Recommendations:
With tickets costing as much as Monday happy hour at Surfside sushi, one-time-wear shirts from Forever 21, and Target weekly sale items (all very important expenditures), give recommendations freely and accept them seriously. If a movie completely and totally blows on so many levels that it transcends taste and personal preference, tell a person. Saw Collateral and it sucks? Issue a public service announcement. Saw Million Dollar Baby and it made a stone heart clench? Pay it forward. Important note: Take recommendations only from a reliable source, such as one who receives EW in the mail every Friday.

Invitations:
There is no excuse for an invitation getting "lost in the mail"... ever. If you care not to see a movie with a person, fine, but hold your tongue, refrain from movie talk and especially don't rub it in that this person was excluded. This holds particularly true if the movie is being recommended by said person (e.g. "I heard Sideways is like Swingers. We should go watch it"). Additionally, comments such as "I really want to see Finding Neverland" that seem to indicate a desire to watch a movie most often do and should be interpretted as "hey if you're going to go watch it, I want to go."

Discussion:
Keeping in mind the whole "holding your tongue" at the appropriate moments, it goes without saying that one must always exercise tact when talking about a movie. This means not walking out of the theater talking about the surprise ending in earshot of the next patrons or bashing an actress in front of her grandmother. This also means not asking what disease a main character died from before confirming that the other party has seen the movie.

So though some of you may say this little instructional guide was a complete waste of reading time, others are in dire, dire need of it.

Not that I'm bitter or anything...

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