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Monday, June 27, 2005 · posted at 2:59 AM

"If you've seen a spoon, you know how to spoon."
~ Jessica Stein

This is why I love Best Week Ever. Celebrity gossip before Us Weekly arrives, plus a recap of all the great tv moments from the week. Highlights from Ashton Kutcher's "social experiment" reality show, Beauty and the Geek, this week:

Richard, the quintessential geek, receiving a spooning lesson from sorority sister Mindi.

Richard using the pick up line of "I'm feeling ill..." before asking out several different girls.

Richard getting grossed out by the thought of of touching one's bare skin during a massage; he was one step away from a Ross massage (see "The One with Rachel's Book."

I have to start watching this show.

Thursday, June 23, 2005 · posted at 8:30 AM

Quotes from American Psycho:

Jean: What's that?
Patrick Bateman: Duct tape. I need it for... taping something.

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums... This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

Craig McDermott: If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who fucking cares?
Patrick Bateman: Well, let's just say hypotetically ok? What if they have a great personality?

Timothy Bryce: [after snorting cocaine] I want to get high off this, not sprinkle it on my fucking Oaties.
Patrick Bateman: Definitely weak, but I have a feeling that if we do enough of it we'll be okay.
Club Patron: [leans over from another booth] Will you keep it down? I'm trying to do drugs!

Patrick Bateman: I don't think we should see each other.
Evelyn Williams: But your friends are my friends and my friends are your friends. I don't think it would work. You have a little something...
Patrick Bateman: I know that your friends are my friends and, uh... I thought about that. You can have'em.

Evelyn Williams: Where are you going?
Patrick Bateman: I am just leaving.
Evelyn Williams: But where?
Patrick Bateman: I have to return some videotapes.

Sunday, June 19, 2005 · posted at 5:10 AM

Top Ten Memorable Moments in Europe.

The bird's eye view of London from atop the London eye and every "Amazing Race" landmark following it.

Walking around the corner of your anyday buildings to find the Pantheon and Altare della Patria (Altar of the Fatherland, aka the "Wedding Cake").

Our Austrian tour guide starting each day with "Good morning" and rousing us by tapping the mic and trilling or saying, "Wakey wakey" (Karen may be the only person who appreciates this).

Coasting up the Giudecca Canal up to Venice and thinking we had just entered a magical kingdom. Then seeing the island and St. Mark's Piazza twinkle with lights at night.

Eating gelato in Venice... and Rome... and Florence... and anywhere really.

Getting accosted in Galeries Lafayette to buy Louis Vuitton wallets by a Chinese couple likely heading a fake LV production ring back in the Mainland.

Trying 101 variations of the "Holding the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Your Hand" photograph.

Hearing the sound of the waves crashing and the pebbles tumbling against each other on the pebble beaches in Nice.

Sprinting across Piazza Cavour in Rome so that we wouldn't miss the free shuttle back to the hotel... and then sitting on the shuttle for 15 minutes while it waited for other passengers.

Realizing that the porcelain fixture in the bathroom was in fact a bidet and not the toilet.

Friday, June 17, 2005 · posted at 1:05 AM

Mmm. Reprocessed pig fat.

The county fair is back - bringing summer concerts, petting zoo animals, rickety rides, and roasted, bbq-ed, fried and chocolate-dipped foods with all their fat-filled goodness.

To the novice fair-goer, all the stands and booths may be overwhelming. Actually, even to the seasoned fair-goer, the variety of food is worth at least one full day trip or two evening trips (my roommate went four times during its four week stint last year). This year I've figured out the trick to maximizing your food/music/ride intake.

Food: Like Thanksgiving, prep your stomach for the gorge fest by snacking or drining throughout the day. The body can only take so much grease at a time, so alternate fried foods between... well all other foods. Example: fried zucchini (which is not zucchini slices or wedges, but a whole zucchini battered and fried), roasted corn, Australian battered potatoes, soft serve ice cream, calamari, kettle corn, funnel cake, Polish sausage, etc. Rides make a good intermission from eating.

Music: Enjoy concurrently with food. Load up with refreshments (see above) and head to the concert seating area. Settle down to snack and listen to the music - if you can hear it over the munching of your food. Check the concert schedule when you get there. We lucked out and happened to go on the day that old school R&B group 112 performed (this was the second "1996 was almost a decade ago? good gracious I'm old" moment of the week).

Rides: I'm not a huge ride person to begin with. Add in the fact that these rides are thrown up in the matter of a few days and not even the $42 value pack that includes ride tickets can convince me to go on more than a couple. However, if rides are your thing, I recommend you do all your rides back-to-back. This way you'll minimize the appetite depression that comes with disorientation and you can sooner start the food cycle over again.

Also, the best-value ride? The race-your-potato-sack-down-a-giant-slide kiddie ride "Fast Trax" for 4 tickets. I'm not just saying this because I won (perhaps the one time being bottom heavy is an advantage). From the steps up to the top, you get an aerial view of the carnival's twinkling lights. While some of the other rides bring you up to amazing heights as well, you'll likely be too anxious, too upside-down, or too busy stopping your heart from leaping out of your chest to truly appreciate it.

So aside from food, fun and the opportunity to see a population of San Diego you seldom remember exists, what makes the fair such an important tradition? The county fair is the unofficial harbinger of summer. Next up: 4th of July fireworks, beach hooky days, weekend road trips, late sunsets...

I can't wait... well maybe I can wait until after one more chocolate-covered frozen banana...

Sunday, June 12, 2005 · posted at 11:10 PM

But Cousin Larry...

Why is it that all the calls during the NBA Finals seem to fall in Manu Ginobili's favor? Are the NBA officials "Perfect Strangers" fans who can't see past Ginobili's striking resemblence to the loveable Balki Bartokomous from Meepos?

Friday, June 10, 2005 · posted at 6:06 PM

You know you're getting old when the answers to EW's 1996 pop culture quiz come a little bit too easy to you...