Friday, March 12, 2004 · posted at 4:49 AM
Workers Against Milking Mothers (WAMM)
I’m all for mothers in the workforce. I just don’t want to know you’re a mother. That may sound extremely cold, and it’s not that I don’t want to know personal things about you (this is a whole other issue)… it’s just that:
  • I never want to hear the mechanic whirring of a breast pump over a conference call.

  • I never want to hear a baby’s suckling sounds coming from the other side of the room.

  • I don’t want to know you need a sweater to cover up stains of any kind (spit up, drool, milk leakage).

  • I don’t want to take messages that involve diarrhea, breast milk shortage, bodily fluids or functions.

  • I don’t want to ever smell a “poopy diaper” while I am eating my lunch, trying to concentrate, talking on the phone, hell, even if I’m working on my rubber band ball (which someone broke, thanks).

  • I don’t ever want to see a “poopy diaper” especially of the green variety, in the same aforementioned situations.
This may sound like I’m baby-hating. But I assure you that I don’t want to know if you’re a mother of a 6 month-old, a 6 year-old, or a 26 year-old (unless he happens to be hot, single, hetero and into short, plump Asian ranters). It’s just that older, more experienced mothers are 1.) more open to the idea that not everyone wants to hear about Little Johnny and 2.) better at picking up cues of disinterest.

For some, fixing up a car is a hobby, for others, parenting. Either way, I respect your hobby, your passion, your life… I just don’t want to hear about it.
_______________
To curb spam, Microsoft and others are suggesting stamps for e-mail. The sheer volume of e-mail I send per day suggest this wouldn't fly well with me. An alternative "payment" in the form of a 10-second puzzle to solve has been suggested. In theory it sounds great, but if you have an addictive/competitive personality a simple game like Rush Hour and TextTwist can turn mere seconds into hours.

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