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Tuesday, January 17, 2006 · posted at 5:54 PM

Legano, ni legano...is gray area. At Gene's wedding this past weekend, there was a little Q&A session with the newlyweds and one of the questions was to the tune of: Did you two start dating each other or were you "hanging out"?

Today there exist many potential synonyms, or would it be euphemisms, for dating: seeing, hanging out, hooking up and my personal favorite "talking to." For the most part, I am anti-label in general. Regarding relationships... what is is and needn't be defined by a Webster dictionary but only by the person(s) experiencing it. Dating really is an "umbrella term" open to loose interpretation.

I'm actually just not a big fan of dating in general. It always seems like a lot of gameplaying and deception. You put your best foot forward so that you can "trick" the person into accepting your worst foot too. And who knows if what you're feeling is really genuine or just the effects of dopamine?

Dating is a waiting game - you are waiting until you find some fundamental and irreconcilable difference in the other person (or they in you).

When that does happen, then you have to have "the talk." Granted there are many talks - the "I'm not going to have sex with you" talk, the "Define the Relationship (DTR)" talk (or as my sister calls it, the "State of the Union" address), the "I found a DD bra in your room and I'm only an A" talk... In this instance, I mean the "Let's just be friends" talk (although for most people, when they use that phrase, it's a blow off and they really mean "Let's not see each other in that way... or any way really").

If you really do want to still be friends, as I often do, this talk is especially difficult. You have to stay in one's good graces while saying "hey I don't like like you, but I like you." There should always be a prepared statement. Always. The generic "I think you're an awesome person, ______. I really like how you ______, ______, and ______... but I don't think we're right for each other romantically" speech with the blanks filled in. If pressed for why, be a diplomat, be Switzerland, be a professor "clarifying" a test question by reiterating the question, be a government official Beating Around the Bush... do not by any means tell the truth (e.g. you're cheap, you're too insecure, your jokes are really not that funny).

The talk is something that must be practiced, rehearsed, maybe scrawled on the inside of your wrist like a cheatsheet. Executed start to finish in 3 minutes, because dallying will only lead to cracks in the dam of "things that are annoying in a potential boyfriend but mildly tolerable in a regular friend."

This is just too much work. And I'd rather avoid it altogether.

This is why I'm a big fan of "hanging out." Sure it's ambiguous, but then you get to test the water before plunging in full force. You get to know the person before committing, see quirks and eccentricities, feel out political views, eavesdrop on how he speaks to his mother... And should you not like what you see, calmly retract your toe from the water. No harm, no foul, and most importantly, no awkward talk.

Plus if he turns out to be a complete tool who only happens to be semi-attractive when viewed with beer goggles, you can easily deny ever thinking of him in that way because hey, there was no hand-holding involved. And in this day and age, isn't that the true test of the "are we or aren't we" debate?



	Tuesday, January 17, 2006 · posted at 5:54 PM Legano, ni legano...is gray area. At Gene's wedding this past weekend, there was a little Q&A session with the newlyweds and one of the questions was to the tune of: Did you two start dating each other or were you "hanging out"? Today there exist many potential synonyms, or would it be euphemisms, for dating: seeing, hanging out, hooking up and my personal favorite "talking to." For the most part, I am anti-label in general. Regarding relationships... what is is and needn't be defined by a Webster dictionary but only by the person(s) experiencing it. Dating really is an "umbrella term" open to loose interpretation. I'm actually just not a big fan of dating in general. It always seems like a lot of gameplaying and deception. You put your best foot forward so that you can "trick" the person into accepting your worst foot too. And who knows if what you're feeling is really genuine or just the effects of dopamine? Dating is a waiting game - you are waiting until you find some fundamental and irreconcilable difference in the other person (or they in you). When that does happen, then you have to have "the talk." Granted there are many talks - the "I'm not going to have sex with you" talk, the "Define the Relationship (DTR)" talk (or as my sister calls it, the "State of the Union" address), the "I found a DD bra in your room and I'm only an A" talk... In this instance, I mean the "Let's just be friends" talk (although for most people, when they use that phrase, it's a blow off and they really mean "Let's not see each other in that way... or any way really"). If you really do want to still be friends, as I often do, this talk is especially difficult. You have to stay in one's good graces while saying "hey I don't like like you, but I like you." There should always be a prepared statement. Always. The generic "I think you're an awesome person, ______. I really like how you ______, ______, and ______... but I don't think we're right for each other romantically" speech with the blanks filled in. If pressed for why, be a diplomat, be Switzerland, be a professor "clarifying" a test question by reiterating the question, be a government official Beating Around the Bush... do not by any means tell the truth (e.g. you're cheap, you're too insecure, your jokes are really not that funny). The talk is something that must be practiced, rehearsed, maybe scrawled on the inside of your wrist like a cheatsheet. Executed start to finish in 3 minutes, because dallying will only lead to cracks in the dam of "things that are annoying in a potential boyfriend but mildly tolerable in a regular friend." This is just too much work. And I'd rather avoid it altogether. This is why I'm a big fan of "hanging out." Sure it's ambiguous, but then you get to test the water before plunging in full force. You get to know the person before committing, see quirks and eccentricities, feel out political views, eavesdrop on how he speaks to his mother... And should you not like what you see, calmly retract your toe from the water. No harm, no foul, and most importantly, no awkward talk. Plus if he turns out to be a complete tool who only happens to be semi-attractive when viewed with beer goggles, you can easily deny ever thinking of him in that way because hey, there was no hand-holding involved. And in this day and age, isn't that the true test of the "are we or aren't we" debate?	Recent Posts What's the number for 911?Q: How many emergency ve... I am dreaming for a purpose. ~ Innocent, Night... sh*t or get off the pot. Heather Graham's new sitc... Nursery Tales. I've read The Nanny Diaries, thumbe... And then? No, no 'and then'! I'm always surprise... A GPS for all time. In Movies and the Meaning of ... I'm ideologically promiscuous. ~Louis, "Mu... Ply Wars: Why is 2-ply paper softer than 1-ply?Whe... Walden dreams, part II. I was at the public librar... Walden dreams. People bug me some time. Everyone ... Morning news babie goose ryan bluemouse daves son dawntaught desiree diorama emily escadawg galveric high entropy invisible cube jepgato kyellow lilly mhuang mogbert nudream starfish + coffee verbivore Archives March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 January 2007 March 2007 April 2007 November 2008

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