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Sunday, May 02, 2004 · posted at 11:52 PM

The next generation of Ortho Tri-cyclen. My job can be excellent birth control. Yes, the kids can be adorable. Yes, I have gotten sticky hugs and loved it. Yes, they say the darnedest thing like, “My mom will be back in eleventy-seventy years” when they answer the pone. Yes, they pick flowers and bring them back “for you.” Yes, they have cute websites posting pictures of their hamsters. Yes, I have in my possession many refrigerator pictures, including a crude pencil drawing of me THIS big because I’m “23 and big.” But at the same time there are many, many moments that just reinforce the idea of, “Kids? I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for kids. But definitely that time is not now.”

Sometimes it’s the fact that I have needed to get down on my hands and knees to crawl under a table to retrieve a child. Sometimes it’s the fact that I feel such relief after a day of kids with ADHD that I don’t have to interact with them for another two weeks (the length of the necessary recuperation period). Sometimes it’s the fact that they won’t take “no” for an answer and think that “one toy” from the treasure chest actually means “all seven rubber frogs.” Sometimes this reaffirmation even comes from my own office, as I listen to stories about bodily fluids or hear things during a diaper change such as, “How did it get all the way up there?” (btw: the peepee teepee is such an ingenious idea! Although I think the Asian in me would just use Dixie paper cups… or steal a bunch of the little ketchup cups from McDonald’s – you know, the ones you take for Jell-O shots.)

Currently the aspect that is threatening to scare my eggs right back into their ovaries is the idea of having “the talk.” There are many different uses for the phrase, “the talk.” There’s the “Where is this relationship going? What are we? Define us” relationship talk. Then there’s the “It’s not me, it’s you” talk. And of course the “‘What is this [joint]. Where did you learn to do this?’ ‘You… I learned it from you!’” talk. I’m not talking about any of these. I mean the birds and the bees talk, the pistil and the stamen talk, the (dramatic music… dum dum dum) sex talk.

Recently, I had the privilege of looking up reputable puberty books to recommend to our patients who are starting to experience strange odors and “funny feelings.” A quick Amazon.com search yielded the following results: What’s Going on Down There?, It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health, It’s So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families, and Don’t Sweat It! Everybody’s Answers to Questions You Don’t Want to Ask. They even have a build your own reproductive system book called The Body Book which for some reason, I always think of as a pop-up book and very, very bad idea.

I cannot imagine myself buying one of the above books and exploring its contents with a child – or another human being for that matter. I don’t know that I ever got a sex talk from my parents. I received many “Don’t share the bed until you get married” admonitions from my mom as well as playful (I think) slaps for using the words “condom” and “sleep together,” but I think the closest thing to a sex talk was the “Let me show you how to count the days” ovulation calendar demonstration. *Shudder* My sister and I always wonder about how we came to be because my dad never wanted to have kids... but my mom was a self-proclaimed expert on the rhythm method... but that’s a whole other “exploring my traumatic childhood” story.

I cringe when I think of other people’s experiences with the talk, like your grandmother telling you not to just jump into bed with any boy because your body is precious and you need to respect it, or having to give the talk to your “computer and video games kind of guy” brother.

I have a very avoidant personality style according to anecdotal evidence and the Thomas-Klinmann Conflict Mode Instrument. And all those books on Amazon.com say right in the title that NO ONE wants to talk about these issues. I’d likely just strategically sandwich them between the latest Harry Potters, stick them inside a comic book, or, as my parents did, leave them on the bookshelf for an unsuspecting 6th grader to find, open and see underlined words like “copulate” while looking for books on muskrats for a school report. *Shudder* Apparently I can also just pop in a Friends DVD (see study from Pediatrics) to explain sex ed.

Is this the right way? Or the best way? I can almost assuredly say no. And the prevention of some confused adolescent who doesn’t know his Tab A from Slot B because Mom never wanted to have the talk is just one more reason to keep the oven empty.
_______________
Does anyone know where the phrase “birds and the bees” came from? One explanation from Morris Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins says:

BIRDS AND BEES - In past times, when schools touched on such matters at all - which was seldom - sex was usually handled in classes with titles such as Hygiene or Health. The facts of reproduction of the species were presented by analogy - telling how birds do it and how bees do it and trusting that the youngsters would get the message by indirection.



	Sunday, May 02, 2004 · posted at 11:52 PM The next generation of Ortho Tri-cyclen. My job can be excellent birth control. Yes, the kids can be adorable. Yes, I have gotten sticky hugs and loved it. Yes, they say the darnedest thing like, “My mom will be back in eleventy-seventy years” when they answer the pone. Yes, they pick flowers and bring them back “for you.” Yes, they have cute websites posting pictures of their hamsters. Yes, I have in my possession many refrigerator pictures, including a crude pencil drawing of me THIS big because I’m “23 and big.” But at the same time there are many, many moments that just reinforce the idea of, “Kids? I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for kids. But definitely that time is not now.” Sometimes it’s the fact that I have needed to get down on my hands and knees to crawl under a table to retrieve a child. Sometimes it’s the fact that I feel such relief after a day of kids with ADHD that I don’t have to interact with them for another two weeks (the length of the necessary recuperation period). Sometimes it’s the fact that they won’t take “no” for an answer and think that “one toy” from the treasure chest actually means “all seven rubber frogs.” Sometimes this reaffirmation even comes from my own office, as I listen to stories about bodily fluids or hear things during a diaper change such as, “How did it get all the way up there?” (btw: the peepee teepee is such an ingenious idea! Although I think the Asian in me would just use Dixie paper cups… or steal a bunch of the little ketchup cups from McDonald’s – you know, the ones you take for Jell-O shots.) Currently the aspect that is threatening to scare my eggs right back into their ovaries is the idea of having “the talk.” There are many different uses for the phrase, “the talk.” There’s the “Where is this relationship going? What are we? Define us” relationship talk. Then there’s the “It’s not me, it’s you” talk. And of course the “‘What is this [joint]. Where did you learn to do this?’ ‘You… I learned it from you!’” talk. I’m not talking about any of these. I mean the birds and the bees talk, the pistil and the stamen talk, the (dramatic music… dum dum dum) sex talk. Recently, I had the privilege of looking up reputable puberty books to recommend to our patients who are starting to experience strange odors and “funny feelings.” A quick Amazon.com search yielded the following results: What’s Going on Down There?, It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health, It’s So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families, and Don’t Sweat It! Everybody’s Answers to Questions You Don’t Want to Ask. They even have a build your own reproductive system book called The Body Book which for some reason, I always think of as a pop-up book and very, very bad idea. I cannot imagine myself buying one of the above books and exploring its contents with a child – or another human being for that matter. I don’t know that I ever got a sex talk from my parents. I received many “Don’t share the bed until you get married” admonitions from my mom as well as playful (I think) slaps for using the words “condom” and “sleep together,” but I think the closest thing to a sex talk was the “Let me show you how to count the days” ovulation calendar demonstration. Shudder My sister and I always wonder about how we came to be because my dad never wanted to have kids... but my mom was a self-proclaimed expert on the rhythm method... but that’s a whole other “exploring my traumatic childhood” story. I cringe when I think of other people’s experiences with the talk, like your grandmother telling you not to just jump into bed with any boy because your body is precious and you need to respect it, or having to give the talk to your “computer and video games kind of guy” brother. I have a very avoidant personality style according to anecdotal evidence and the Thomas-Klinmann Conflict Mode Instrument. And all those books on Amazon.com say right in the title that NO ONE wants to talk about these issues. I’d likely just strategically sandwich them between the latest Harry Potters, stick them inside a comic book, or, as my parents did, leave them on the bookshelf for an unsuspecting 6th grader to find, open and see underlined words like “copulate” while looking for books on muskrats for a school report. Shudder Apparently I can also just pop in a Friends DVD (see study from Pediatrics) to explain sex ed. Is this the right way? Or the best way? I can almost assuredly say no. And the prevention of some confused adolescent who doesn’t know his Tab A from Slot B because Mom never wanted to have the talk is just one more reason to keep the oven empty. _______________ Does anyone know where the phrase “birds and the bees” came from? One explanation from Morris Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins says: BIRDS AND BEES - In past times, when schools touched on such matters at all - which was seldom - sex was usually handled in classes with titles such as Hygiene or Health. The facts of reproduction of the species were presented by analogy - telling how birds do it and how bees do it and trusting that the youngsters would get the message by indirection.	Recent Posts I want a cat. And then I want to paint it. ...and another one. I didn't always have a disdai... A good one is hard to find. Karen recently reveal... "I have nothing to say of my working life, only th... Ban altruism. On my way out of the office today, ... 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