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Tuesday, March 07, 2006 · posted at 2:21 AM

Zhongwen ke. I recently went to a Mandarin class at school for fun. It's such an aphrodisiac to see a cute guy who wants to learn to speak Chinese. Finally, someone you can bring home to your parents! And then he opens his mouth and you quickly remember what an ugly language Chinese can be and not even Brad Pitt's face can save a guy from that turn-off.

Tonal languages are not pretty. It doesn't help that in beginning Mandarin classes there's so much emphasis on enunciation and that most people, the teacher included, think enunciating means saying loudly... oh so very loudly. I wanted to just stand up and tell them, "Stop yelling at me!"

Four years of high school Mandarin, and I still can't string together a sentence more complex than subject + verb + predicate. My vocabulary hovers around 300 words (3000 is considered necessary for everyday use) and my first response to every question is "mo ichi do kudasai" and then I realize just how hopeless I am because that's not even Chinese - it's Japanese!

But I know who's at fault for my lingual inabilities. Yup, that's right, it's all the textbook writers' faults. There must be hundreds of Mandarin textbooks published, but it seems as though they're all written by the same person using the same non-practical examples:

A: Ni shi na guo ren? What is your nationality?
B: Wo shi Faguo ren. Wo shi liuxiesheng zai Waiyu Xueyuan. I am French. I am a foreign student at the Foreign Language Institute.

I have never, ever been to or seen a Foreign Language Institute though it is quite plausible that this is the reason for my poor language skills. Furthermore I have never met a French foreign student... speaking Mandarin. Really. Who comes up with this stuff? And then they just do nation + noun mixing exercises which is basically slapping a country name in front of a noun: German book, Japanese pen, Chinese person... French car? Does France even make cars? I don't know when I would ever reference a French car in daily exchanges.

Apparently this lack of conversational skill is not limited to Mandarin classes. One of my friends told me his light bulb burned out at a hotel in Mexico and he could only explain in Spanish that the "glass like the sun" needed replacement.

Which makes me wonder if maybe it's an any-language-to-American-English that's the problem since there are plenty of Europeans like Bridgette the trilling tour guide (see Europe pictures) who can speak 5 languages and put us all to shame.

Wake-y wake-y.



	Tuesday, March 07, 2006 · posted at 2:21 AM Zhongwen ke. I recently went to a Mandarin class at school for fun. It's such an aphrodisiac to see a cute guy who wants to learn to speak Chinese. Finally, someone you can bring home to your parents! And then he opens his mouth and you quickly remember what an ugly language Chinese can be and not even Brad Pitt's face can save a guy from that turn-off. Tonal languages are not pretty. It doesn't help that in beginning Mandarin classes there's so much emphasis on enunciation and that most people, the teacher included, think enunciating means saying loudly... oh so very loudly. I wanted to just stand up and tell them, "Stop yelling at me!" Four years of high school Mandarin, and I still can't string together a sentence more complex than subject + verb + predicate. My vocabulary hovers around 300 words (3000 is considered necessary for everyday use) and my first response to every question is "mo ichi do kudasai" and then I realize just how hopeless I am because that's not even Chinese - it's Japanese! But I know who's at fault for my lingual inabilities. Yup, that's right, it's all the textbook writers' faults. There must be hundreds of Mandarin textbooks published, but it seems as though they're all written by the same person using the same non-practical examples: A: Ni shi na guo ren? What is your nationality? B: Wo shi Faguo ren. Wo shi liuxiesheng zai Waiyu Xueyuan. I am French. I am a foreign student at the Foreign Language Institute. I have never, ever been to or seen a Foreign Language Institute though it is quite plausible that this is the reason for my poor language skills. Furthermore I have never met a French foreign student... speaking Mandarin. Really. Who comes up with this stuff? And then they just do nation + noun mixing exercises which is basically slapping a country name in front of a noun: German book, Japanese pen, Chinese person... French car? Does France even make cars? I don't know when I would ever reference a French car in daily exchanges. Apparently this lack of conversational skill is not limited to Mandarin classes. One of my friends told me his light bulb burned out at a hotel in Mexico and he could only explain in Spanish that the "glass like the sun" needed replacement. Which makes me wonder if maybe it's an any-language-to-American-English that's the problem since there are plenty of Europeans like Bridgette the trilling tour guide (see Europe pictures) who can speak 5 languages and put us all to shame. Wake-y wake-y.	Recent Posts "And come to think of it your eyes are different. ... XXV. Today I am a quarter century old. And what ... Getting Off on FeminismAdmittedly, much of my frus... and how many subscriptions do you own? There's not... Contradictory victory. I love group word games. ... Legano, ni legano...is gray area. At Gene's weddin... What's the number for 911?Q: How many emergency ve... I am dreaming for a purpose. ~ Innocent, Night... sh*t or get off the pot. Heather Graham's new sitc... Nursery Tales. I've read The Nanny Diaries, thumbe... Morning news babie goose ryan bluemouse daves son dawntaught desiree diorama emily escadawg galveric high entropy invisible cube jepgato kyellow lilly mhuang mogbert nudream starfish + coffee verbivore Archives March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 January 2007 March 2007 April 2007 November 2008

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