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Tuesday, June 29, 2004 · posted at 1:41 PM

JERRY: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion.
GEORGE: To some degree.
JERRY: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves.
GEORGE: In a manner of speaking.
JERRY: Well, it's honest.
GEORGE: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals.
– Seinfeld #84, The Fire

On knights in shining armor. One evening, post Wednesday night sushi, we were lollygagging outside the restaurant when 1) the breeze picked up, 2) we had been lollygagging for so long, heat loss had occurred, or 3) a combination of both. It was chilly, and at this point, all the XYs were expected to surrender their outer garments to the XXs.

Gene graciously forfeited his jacket to me, which I promptly threw back at him, putting out his cigarette in the process and effectively sending two messages: I am woman, hear me roar (and bitch) and Don’t Smoke. But really, why should Gene have to suffer because of my wardrobe malfunction? Of course I’m sure if I was shivering and a significant other didn’t offer up an article of clothing, albeit a sock, this would be another story, since expectations are notorious for changing once in a relationship. But I digress...

So there are probably hundreds of explanations why a guy would feel compelled to give up his jacket for a girl – of which, out of sheer laziness, I will discuss two:

Reason #1. The guy is stronger than the girl.
This depends on the definition of stronger. I have no doubt that most guys above the age of 11 can bench press more than my twiggy arms. Studies are split on whether males or females have higher pain tolerance, even despite the child birth argument. Regarding temperature thresholds, looking at body composition and fat distribution, I’d expect women to have the edge regarding insulation issues. However, in this case, it’s all a moo point. In balmy 70 degree San Diego weather, I doubt any of us are in immediate danger of hypothermia and there’s low risk of my ovaries freezing over... which brings me to the next point...

Reason #2. The girl is more valuable.
I’m not sure if the “women and children first” value came from a vulnerability or from the necessity to carry on future generations (which actually makes me think of the legacy of the salmon), but for the purposes of this theory, I’m going to say the latter. From a reproductive monetary standpoint, egg donors are paid a minimum of 4 digits while sperm donors are paid, on average, under 3 digits. This is some equation using factors such as ease of collection and supply (with women’s being limited from birth and men’s being able to produce until the end).

So what if a woman has no intention of mothering a child. Does her stock plummet? Or what if she doesn’t have the capability to carry a child to term? What if her uterus is “an inhospitable environment?” or her husband was endowed with a “big flaccid penis?” What if she’s already in the position to forget “to take her hot-flash medication today?” (Who’s still aboard the reference train?) Does a female’s value increase or decrease according to her reproductive capabilities? And what kind of implications does it have for duties and priorities?

It’s a slippery, slippery slope and in a blink of an eye Guys, relinquishing your coats is like waving a banner around that says “Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen where she belongs.”

I once hung out with a guy who was absolutely insistent on being chivalrous. He was always running ahead to open the door, abducting the check, pulling out chairs – it’s a good thing this was during a drought season because he probably would have laid his jacket in a puddle to walk over. Anyway, this grew old real fast, and left me wary of guys eager to come off as a Modern Gentleman

Now I must admit, some guys have etiquette hardwired into their brains. I have a friend who opens the car door, serves my tea, and literally breaks bread for me… and I’m totally fine with it. He executes these actions so seamlessly, so naturally that I know his intention is pure, or rather that he has no intention... that is just who he is.

No one wants to hang out with the overzealous white knight, but there’s always a happy middle ground and everyone (male and female) should show some semblance of manners.

So although I fully endorse the splitting of checks, sharing of door-opening duties, alternating of the “who sleeps on the wet spot,” I also fully intend to raise hell if some bastard Abercrombie and Fitch worker whom I have known for 4 hours wants to climb into my backseat and make my roommate of 4 years sit in the trunk.



	Tuesday, June 29, 2004 · posted at 1:41 PM JERRY: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion. GEORGE: To some degree. JERRY: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves. GEORGE: In a manner of speaking. JERRY: Well, it's honest. GEORGE: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals. – Seinfeld #84, The Fire On knights in shining armor. One evening, post Wednesday night sushi, we were lollygagging outside the restaurant when 1) the breeze picked up, 2) we had been lollygagging for so long, heat loss had occurred, or 3) a combination of both. It was chilly, and at this point, all the XYs were expected to surrender their outer garments to the XXs. Gene graciously forfeited his jacket to me, which I promptly threw back at him, putting out his cigarette in the process and effectively sending two messages: I am woman, hear me roar (and bitch) and Don’t Smoke. But really, why should Gene have to suffer because of my wardrobe malfunction? Of course I’m sure if I was shivering and a significant other didn’t offer up an article of clothing, albeit a sock, this would be another story, since expectations are notorious for changing once in a relationship. But I digress... So there are probably hundreds of explanations why a guy would feel compelled to give up his jacket for a girl – of which, out of sheer laziness, I will discuss two: Reason #1. The guy is stronger than the girl. This depends on the definition of stronger. I have no doubt that most guys above the age of 11 can bench press more than my twiggy arms. Studies are split on whether males or females have higher pain tolerance, even despite the child birth argument. Regarding temperature thresholds, looking at body composition and fat distribution, I’d expect women to have the edge regarding insulation issues. However, in this case, it’s all a moo point. In balmy 70 degree San Diego weather, I doubt any of us are in immediate danger of hypothermia and there’s low risk of my ovaries freezing over... which brings me to the next point... Reason #2. The girl is more valuable. I’m not sure if the “women and children first” value came from a vulnerability or from the necessity to carry on future generations (which actually makes me think of the legacy of the salmon), but for the purposes of this theory, I’m going to say the latter. From a reproductive monetary standpoint, egg donors are paid a minimum of 4 digits while sperm donors are paid, on average, under 3 digits. This is some equation using factors such as ease of collection and supply (with women’s being limited from birth and men’s being able to produce until the end). So what if a woman has no intention of mothering a child. Does her stock plummet? Or what if she doesn’t have the capability to carry a child to term? What if her uterus is “an inhospitable environment?” or her husband was endowed with a “big flaccid penis?” What if she’s already in the position to forget “to take her hot-flash medication today?” (Who’s still aboard the reference train?) Does a female’s value increase or decrease according to her reproductive capabilities? And what kind of implications does it have for duties and priorities? It’s a slippery, slippery slope and in a blink of an eye Guys, relinquishing your coats is like waving a banner around that says “Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen where she belongs.” I once hung out with a guy who was absolutely insistent on being chivalrous. He was always running ahead to open the door, abducting the check, pulling out chairs – it’s a good thing this was during a drought season because he probably would have laid his jacket in a puddle to walk over. Anyway, this grew old real fast, and left me wary of guys eager to come off as a Modern Gentleman Now I must admit, some guys have etiquette hardwired into their brains. I have a friend who opens the car door, serves my tea, and literally breaks bread for me… and I’m totally fine with it. He executes these actions so seamlessly, so naturally that I know his intention is pure, or rather that he has no intention... that is just who he is. No one wants to hang out with the overzealous white knight, but there’s always a happy middle ground and everyone (male and female) should show some semblance of manners. So although I fully endorse the splitting of checks, sharing of door-opening duties, alternating of the “who sleeps on the wet spot,” I also fully intend to raise hell if some bastard Abercrombie and Fitch worker whom I have known for 4 hours wants to climb into my backseat and make my roommate of 4 years sit in the trunk.	Recent Posts ASAP, the other 4-letter word. 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