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Thursday, June 24, 2004 · posted at 9:51 PM

no alarms, no surprises

I’m up for my one year review at work.

I have a fear that I will wake up one day and realize am I am writing with the Tiffany’s pen (presented to employees at the 5 year mark) that I have stuck around in the same place for way too long for no reason at all.

I had a long meeting with my boss to discuss the past year: barriers, structure, goals, achievements, personal characteristics, everything they teach you about in those leadership books/tapes/videos this organization is so keen on. So basically it was a bash fest (“you suck!”) followed by an excuse fest (“but, but, but”). I’m exaggerating, obviously. My boss is extremely kind and has this magical way of criticizing, or rather, addressing “areas for growth” in a non-offensive manner.

This may have been the first time a meeting of this type did not result in the welling up of tears. Either this is a sign that I am 1) learning to take criticism better or 2) not invested or caring. Sadly, I think it is the latter.

One recurring “theme” I noticed in the conversation was that of “we didn’t expect you to stay around this long – we thought you were off to better things soon.” My response (in my head, of course) was 1) neither did I and 2) so did I, respectively.

I am Chandler who worked at his “temp job” for 5 years - except they’re not throwing more money my way (although I may be eligible for a 4% salary increase. This means I’ll be able to buy a postage stamp with every hour worked).

One thing that my boss commended me on was that I took responsibility for an intern’s less than strong (read: bad) performance due to my leadership, or lack there of. Apparently that was the thing that impressed her the most over the past few months. Huh, I should admit I screw up more often.

And to clarify so that no one gets some ill-conceived notion that I am compassionate, have martyr-like tendencies, or will fall on a bomb for you, I wasn’t really trying to shoulder all the blame for this intern. It was my backhanded way of trying to criticize my coworker’s supervisory skills. One thing that I’ve realized though is that everyone here is so damn nice that this kind of veiled insult just glances off people and offers no internal satisfaction whatsoever.

I’ve also realized that I’ve become one of “those people.” One of those people meaning, I am part of *gasp* a team. I am expected to invest, to contribute, to lead and to be led. I am to manage and micromanage and write “protocol” for every single task I do or want another to do. I write step upon step of detailed instructions equivalent to “1.Go to cabinet 2.Pull cabinet door open 3.Choose cereal 4.Open cereal box 5.Pour cereal into bowl 6.Go to refrigerator 7.Open door 8.Get milk 9.Pour milk into bowl 10.Use spoon to eat”

I have to look out for someone other than myself. I’m responsible for making other people’s work experiences valuable and satisfying. I attend meetings about meetings and have my inbox filled with email strands where 5 million people are “CC’ed” and “Replying to all” about mundane things such as how to copy and paste off a website. I’m supposed to interview people, orient them, train them, and then evaluate, praise and criticize them.

I have an “action plan” and a set of personal/technical/leadership goals to achieve over the next 6 months. I am on the verge of using phrases such as “touch base” and “get squared away.” I have already actively began using the phrase “lines of communication” and referring to them as “open” and “closed.” Every suggestion I make ends with "does that sound okay?"

In short, I am becoming one of those people I never thought, or wished to become.

F***.

So maybe I should set my real goals now.

Number one, and the only one, be anywhere but here.

The only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.



	Thursday, June 24, 2004 · posted at 9:51 PM no alarms, no surprises I’m up for my one year review at work. I have a fear that I will wake up one day and realize am I am writing with the Tiffany’s pen (presented to employees at the 5 year mark) that I have stuck around in the same place for way too long for no reason at all. I had a long meeting with my boss to discuss the past year: barriers, structure, goals, achievements, personal characteristics, everything they teach you about in those leadership books/tapes/videos this organization is so keen on. So basically it was a bash fest (“you suck!”) followed by an excuse fest (“but, but, but”). I’m exaggerating, obviously. My boss is extremely kind and has this magical way of criticizing, or rather, addressing “areas for growth” in a non-offensive manner. This may have been the first time a meeting of this type did not result in the welling up of tears. Either this is a sign that I am 1) learning to take criticism better or 2) not invested or caring. Sadly, I think it is the latter. One recurring “theme” I noticed in the conversation was that of “we didn’t expect you to stay around this long – we thought you were off to better things soon.” My response (in my head, of course) was 1) neither did I and 2) so did I, respectively. I am Chandler who worked at his “temp job” for 5 years - except they’re not throwing more money my way (although I may be eligible for a 4% salary increase. This means I’ll be able to buy a postage stamp with every hour worked). One thing that my boss commended me on was that I took responsibility for an intern’s less than strong (read: bad) performance due to my leadership, or lack there of. Apparently that was the thing that impressed her the most over the past few months. Huh, I should admit I screw up more often. And to clarify so that no one gets some ill-conceived notion that I am compassionate, have martyr-like tendencies, or will fall on a bomb for you, I wasn’t really trying to shoulder all the blame for this intern. It was my backhanded way of trying to criticize my coworker’s supervisory skills. One thing that I’ve realized though is that everyone here is so damn nice that this kind of veiled insult just glances off people and offers no internal satisfaction whatsoever. I’ve also realized that I’ve become one of “those people.” One of those people meaning, I am part of gasp a team. I am expected to invest, to contribute, to lead and to be led. I am to manage and micromanage and write “protocol” for every single task I do or want another to do. I write step upon step of detailed instructions equivalent to “1.Go to cabinet 2.Pull cabinet door open 3.Choose cereal 4.Open cereal box 5.Pour cereal into bowl 6.Go to refrigerator 7.Open door 8.Get milk 9.Pour milk into bowl 10.Use spoon to eat” I have to look out for someone other than myself. I’m responsible for making other people’s work experiences valuable and satisfying. I attend meetings about meetings and have my inbox filled with email strands where 5 million people are “CC’ed” and “Replying to all” about mundane things such as how to copy and paste off a website. I’m supposed to interview people, orient them, train them, and then evaluate, praise and criticize them. I have an “action plan” and a set of personal/technical/leadership goals to achieve over the next 6 months. I am on the verge of using phrases such as “touch base” and “get squared away.” I have already actively began using the phrase “lines of communication” and referring to them as “open” and “closed.” Every suggestion I make ends with "does that sound okay?" In short, I am becoming one of those people I never thought, or wished to become. F**. So maybe I should set my real goals now. Number one, and the only one, be anywhere but here. The only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.*	Recent Posts I have to go now I was reminded yesterday why it ... My desk hates me. I cannot go one work day withou... Author's Note: This entry best read while listenin... Lobster for all. One of the most important lesson... Saved by the bell. My boss asked me today if I pl... Super Size Me. My body must hate me by now. I dra... To infinity and beyond. May, who introduces me to ... There's something of the mudslide about you. You ... I am a writer. I want to be a published writer. ... 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