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Monday, July 19, 2004 · posted at 4:01 AM

Dress your family in corduroy and denim. Guys often wonder why it takes girls so long to get dressed. Personally, my fashion style of no makeup and “t-shirt and jeans” isn’t especially time-consuming, but I can see the conundrums other females may face when picking out what to wear, so let me break it down for you.

Getting dressed is much more complicated than most men realize. It’s not just putting on clothes; it’s a multi-step process where each choice leads you to a different set of choices. Think “Choose Your Own Adventure” where the setting is your wardrobe.

Sure we could just throw on whatever… but this is why male fashion disasters like tight shirts, Dickies slacks and bright white tennis shoes occur. While each piece is acceptable (well maybe not the tight shirt) as a separate entity – the whole is so much more important than the sum of the parts.

Prep work.

Dressing really starts in the shower (which for some people, can be the night before said dressing). In the shower you encounter the first dilemma – to shave or not to shave. And if to shave, how much to shave. As Karen so eloquently asked, “How about I just shave my ankles and wear those cropped pants from AE?” The hairlessness of your parts is an integral decision factor in what you wear.

Underwear.

To floss or not to floss? From a style standpoint, the thong will almost always win. Whether paired with a pair of tight pants or looser fit bottoms, the thong will work, whereas the low-cut bikini from Victoria’s Secret will only be able to work with the jeans or other non-constricting items. However from a comfort standpoint, you don’t want to wear the thong unless you absolutely must. The thong is your last resort in the underwear world and damned if I’ll wear it when I don’t need to. Also if you’re wearing a breezy skirt, you don’t want to wear a thong if there’s any chance the weather will also get breezy (unless you are into Marilyn Monroe exhibition).

Also, there is the whole issue of A, B, or C underwear depending on your situation. And if your friend of the month is coming, you most definitely will not be flossing and relegated to the world of C panties (read: Costco granny panties, can pull them up to your waist).

Brassiere.

Nude or other. Strapless, halter, cleavage inducing. These are all things you need to consider.

The nude bra is the thong of bras in its versatility and benefits. Colorwise, it’s a “most win” situation whether you’re wearing a tight, white shirt or an opaque black shirt. However, one is supposed to “rest” their bra for 24 hours after use to let the elastic recover. Thus, if you had only one nude bra, you would need to plan strategically. Also, some women feel the need to be lingerie model like and wear matching underwear. My take is that no one’s going to be seeing it anyway (barring an emergency room trip due to a heel stuck in the ground and a runaway dumpster), but I’m just throwing out the possibilities.

The cut of the bra can be of equal importance as the color. Strapless bras are useless from a comfort standpoint and for a small-figured girl, not enhancing or flattering. However, if you, for whatever reason (tanning, picking up guys at club, mocking a friend’s girl, etc.), are wearing a tube top or other similar garment, the strapless is a must. If you are adorning yourself in a halter top or racerback shirt, you could wear the strapless, but the better choice would be to wear the matching halter or racerback bra. Lastly, if you are wearing a v-neck or low-cut shirt and are lacking in the bosom department, a push-up Wonderbra-esque undergarment is essential. While it may seem that a bustmaker bra is always the appropriate decision, this can cause an unnatural and unflattering look (think Topanga) beneath normal shirts.

Colors and textiles.

Of course you must always consider the season when dressing. Certain colors can only be worn during particular times of the year. Beyond the “no white after Labor Day” rule, warm colors and neutrals like brown belong to the fall season whereas pastels and brights rule spring and summer.

In the same manner, textiles are limited to seasons as well. Knit zip-ups need to be replaced with terry or cotton in the warmer seasons, wool is a winter only commodity, linen for summer, etc.

Even in a uni-seasonal climate such as California, these rules apply.

Shorts, skirts, and pants.

Shorts. I’m not even going to go into shorts because I think there is an insignificant percent of the population who should be wearing shorts as street clothes.

Skirts. Length has a close relationship with choice of top and amount of hairlessness. Tightness has a dependent relationship on underwear and amount of time spent at the gym. Gustiness and expected activity also affects choice (e.g. pool hall + short skirt = bad idea).

Pants. Pants are closely associated with the next category – shoes. Most girls own pants of multiple lengths. Beyond the capris and cropped pants, there are jeans and pants that bear perfect inseams and jeans and pants that need additional height help. Sure, one could get all their pants altered, but there is the risk of flooding, desire to look longer, and necessity of longer inseams when wearing tall shoes.

Shoes.

Comfort wise, sneakers will always win. Alas, sneakers don’t look professional with your BR slacks and may not give enough lift when wearing too-long pants. You want to conserve your shoes of neck-breaking height for 1) activities where there is little risk of breaking your neck and 2) situations where you will not be spending an extended amount of time actually on your feet when they’re crammed at a 45 degree angle. Ugly shoes, often synonymous with comfortable shoes, must be worn with pants long enough to hide the ugliness. And when hitting the town, one must always wear the “F*** me” boots.

Purses.

Although it’s no longer the case that one’s belt, shoes, and purse must always match, a purse has the ability to make or break an outfit. Things to consider when choosing a purse: function (location and activity), ease of transference (moving wallet, gum, lip gloss, and other necessities), size (how much do you need to hold), audience (who are you trying to impress), and mobility (how often are you going to be digging around in your purse, aka strap length).

Accessories.

Your accessories (jewelry, hats, scarves, etc.) need to complement your outfit, not clash with it. Jewelry is especially dependent upon the neckline of the top and needs to be changed accordingly.

Hair, makeup.

These are additional factors that are often considered. I, however, have little knowledge in either, thus cannot delve into this category.

Conclusion.

Getting dressed is not a linear relationship, but falls more to the behavioral ecological model where there are different interlocked contingencies. When one aspect changes, other factors are affected as well.

And at any point, of course you can go back and change your decision, but that just means you need to revisit all the other categories based on your new choice.
There is so much decision making in each step of the process. If you wear the nude bra today, you can wear the white shirt, but that means you’ll be unable to wear the nude bra with your sheer-ish shirt tomorrow when you’re meeting the guy you have a crush on. A big difference in the approach to dress between guys and girls is that the XXs consciously think about the different ramifications of different decisions, whereas the XYs just forge ahead and deal with each situation as it comes.

Some might say that the XXs need to chill and not control everything. To them I say, but which gender is the more attractive and better looking?

Always late, but worth the wait.



	Monday, July 19, 2004 · posted at 4:01 AM Dress your family in corduroy and denim. Guys often wonder why it takes girls so long to get dressed. Personally, my fashion style of no makeup and “t-shirt and jeans” isn’t especially time-consuming, but I can see the conundrums other females may face when picking out what to wear, so let me break it down for you. Getting dressed is much more complicated than most men realize. It’s not just putting on clothes; it’s a multi-step process where each choice leads you to a different set of choices. Think “Choose Your Own Adventure” where the setting is your wardrobe. Sure we could just throw on whatever… but this is why male fashion disasters like tight shirts, Dickies slacks and bright white tennis shoes occur. While each piece is acceptable (well maybe not the tight shirt) as a separate entity – the whole is so much more important than the sum of the parts. Prep work. Dressing really starts in the shower (which for some people, can be the night before said dressing). In the shower you encounter the first dilemma – to shave or not to shave. And if to shave, how much to shave. As Karen so eloquently asked, “How about I just shave my ankles and wear those cropped pants from AE?” The hairlessness of your parts is an integral decision factor in what you wear. Underwear. To floss or not to floss? From a style standpoint, the thong will almost always win. Whether paired with a pair of tight pants or looser fit bottoms, the thong will work, whereas the low-cut bikini from Victoria’s Secret will only be able to work with the jeans or other non-constricting items. However from a comfort standpoint, you don’t want to wear the thong unless you absolutely must. The thong is your last resort in the underwear world and damned if I’ll wear it when I don’t need to. Also if you’re wearing a breezy skirt, you don’t want to wear a thong if there’s any chance the weather will also get breezy (unless you are into Marilyn Monroe exhibition). Also, there is the whole issue of A, B, or C underwear depending on your situation. And if your friend of the month is coming, you most definitely will not be flossing and relegated to the world of C panties (read: Costco granny panties, can pull them up to your waist). Brassiere. Nude or other. Strapless, halter, cleavage inducing. These are all things you need to consider. The nude bra is the thong of bras in its versatility and benefits. Colorwise, it’s a “most win” situation whether you’re wearing a tight, white shirt or an opaque black shirt. However, one is supposed to “rest” their bra for 24 hours after use to let the elastic recover. Thus, if you had only one nude bra, you would need to plan strategically. Also, some women feel the need to be lingerie model like and wear matching underwear. My take is that no one’s going to be seeing it anyway (barring an emergency room trip due to a heel stuck in the ground and a runaway dumpster), but I’m just throwing out the possibilities. The cut of the bra can be of equal importance as the color. Strapless bras are useless from a comfort standpoint and for a small-figured girl, not enhancing or flattering. However, if you, for whatever reason (tanning, picking up guys at club, mocking a friend’s girl, etc.), are wearing a tube top or other similar garment, the strapless is a must. If you are adorning yourself in a halter top or racerback shirt, you could wear the strapless, but the better choice would be to wear the matching halter or racerback bra. Lastly, if you are wearing a v-neck or low-cut shirt and are lacking in the bosom department, a push-up Wonderbra-esque undergarment is essential. While it may seem that a bustmaker bra is always the appropriate decision, this can cause an unnatural and unflattering look (think Topanga) beneath normal shirts. Colors and textiles. Of course you must always consider the season when dressing. Certain colors can only be worn during particular times of the year. Beyond the “no white after Labor Day” rule, warm colors and neutrals like brown belong to the fall season whereas pastels and brights rule spring and summer. In the same manner, textiles are limited to seasons as well. Knit zip-ups need to be replaced with terry or cotton in the warmer seasons, wool is a winter only commodity, linen for summer, etc. Even in a uni-seasonal climate such as California, these rules apply. Shorts, skirts, and pants. Shorts. I’m not even going to go into shorts because I think there is an insignificant percent of the population who should be wearing shorts as street clothes. Skirts. Length has a close relationship with choice of top and amount of hairlessness. Tightness has a dependent relationship on underwear and amount of time spent at the gym. Gustiness and expected activity also affects choice (e.g. pool hall + short skirt = bad idea). Pants. Pants are closely associated with the next category – shoes. Most girls own pants of multiple lengths. Beyond the capris and cropped pants, there are jeans and pants that bear perfect inseams and jeans and pants that need additional height help. Sure, one could get all their pants altered, but there is the risk of flooding, desire to look longer, and necessity of longer inseams when wearing tall shoes. Shoes. Comfort wise, sneakers will always win. Alas, sneakers don’t look professional with your BR slacks and may not give enough lift when wearing too-long pants. You want to conserve your shoes of neck-breaking height for 1) activities where there is little risk of breaking your neck and 2) situations where you will not be spending an extended amount of time actually on your feet when they’re crammed at a 45 degree angle. Ugly shoes, often synonymous with comfortable shoes, must be worn with pants long enough to hide the ugliness. And when hitting the town, one must always wear the “F* me” boots. Purses. Although it’s no longer the case that one’s belt, shoes, and purse must always match, a purse has the ability to make or break an outfit. Things to consider when choosing a purse: function (location and activity), ease of transference (moving wallet, gum, lip gloss, and other necessities), size (how much do you need to hold), audience (who are you trying to impress), and mobility (how often are you going to be digging around in your purse, aka strap length). Accessories. Your accessories (jewelry, hats, scarves, etc.) need to complement your outfit, not clash with it. Jewelry is especially dependent upon the neckline of the top and needs to be changed accordingly. Hair, makeup. These are additional factors that are often considered. I, however, have little knowledge in either, thus cannot delve into this category. Conclusion.** Getting dressed is not a linear relationship, but falls more to the behavioral ecological model where there are different interlocked contingencies. When one aspect changes, other factors are affected as well. And at any point, of course you can go back and change your decision, but that just means you need to revisit all the other categories based on your new choice. There is so much decision making in each step of the process. If you wear the nude bra today, you can wear the white shirt, but that means you’ll be unable to wear the nude bra with your sheer-ish shirt tomorrow when you’re meeting the guy you have a crush on. A big difference in the approach to dress between guys and girls is that the XXs consciously think about the different ramifications of different decisions, whereas the XYs just forge ahead and deal with each situation as it comes. Some might say that the XXs need to chill and not control everything. To them I say, but which gender is the more attractive and better looking? Always late, but worth the wait.	Recent Posts Excuse me, but my Rorschach blot has wrinkles. Ha... Child's play. I’m not sure I quite understand the ... The bag of chips. VH1's "I Love the 90's" premie... Can’t I hold the boom mic? Karen's old roommmate m... Gobstopper Going to the movies always brings cert... Jedi Mind Tricks Spider-Man 2 broke opening day r... The problem with lies is that you build them up an... Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, and Kurt Cobain I jus... Dear CHRISTINA, Thank you for participating in th... JERRY: So you feel "women and children first," in ... 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