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Friday, August 13, 2004 · posted at 9:27 PM

Bird's nest. I just got my hair cut for the first time in over a year. This isn't counting any kind of trim or split-end finding mission (which is often done sitting in my car in traffic or at my desk in the office) – I'm talking about the full-on $100+ haircut and color that starts with one of those feel good head massages/shampoos and ends with a relentless push to make a $100+ purchase of hair products.

Anyone who's seen, touched, or heard (the crinkle-crinkle of my crispy ends rubbing together) my hair knows that I was way overdue for a hair treatment. Aside from the tight grasp of my purse strings when it comes to beauty treatments such as manicures, pedicures and makeup – what was stopping me from this much needed service?

In my health promotion class, we learned that disease prevention programs (such as mammograms to screen for breast cancer, daily flossing to prevent cavity and tooth decay) can be really difficult to implement. One of the reasons is because people know they haven't been doing what they should and don't attend appointments or screenings because they fear the judgment of those in an authority position.

To me, going to the stylist isn't much different from going to the dentist or doctor. I know I should… but I really dread it. In the same way people fear the doctor in the white coat asking about their exercise habits or dietary intake, I fear the stylist in Diesel jeans asking these inevitable questions:

When was the last time you got your hair cut?
This is one of those self-perpetuating problems because the longer I go without getting my hair cut, the more I don't want to go get a haircut.

Who's your regular stylist?
Umm, my sister after 5 shots of vodka? This is a tricky question because I want to lie and say "Jen at dearinger" or "Vince at Robert Cromean" or just the generic "someone back home" but I feel like the hair community is small and stylists, like doctors and dentists, have a network and know that there is no Jen from dearinger or Vince from Robert Cromean.

What's your daily hair regimen?>
Hair is supposed to have a regimen? Truth be told, I don't even brush my hair every day. This used to be acceptable when it was short… no so much when it's long to the point where I can chew on the ends (also something I will not be disclosing).

What kind of products do you use?
I suppose the answer they're looking for is NOT "whatever is on sale at Target." George Michael conditioner?

What would you like today?
A crew cut? A bouffant? My mom's patented bowl cut bangs? Most likely I'm here because I don't know what to do with my hair anymore.

But there's no way to avoid that conversation – especially with a new stylist, and the need to cute-ify my hair finally won out over the potential and almost certain mortification…

Let me tell ya, I feel more comfortable at the gynecologist than the stylist - at least you're not expected to make small talk with your feet up in metal stirrups.

A thought occurred to me as I heard the nth mention by the stylists of this nightmare 7 hour Japanese hair straightening procedure on this woman who had the kinkiest hair ever - what do they say once you've left the seat?

We all know we share hilarious work stories with friends or family – the stories of computer illiterate people who "reboot" their computer by turning the monitor on and off, or the idiot who hit the intercom button during a trash-talking conversation about the boss. I know I've started many a story with, "I babysat the craziest kid today" and proceed to talk about details no one would want attached to their name.

I can imagine the happy hour fodder right now: "This girl came in looking like the before picture for a Frizz-ease ad." "Her hair was so dry it made the Sahara desert look tropical." "That color was not one God ever intended for this earth."

Shudder.

And of course, for me, no visit to the salon is complete without the "this is the reason I'm never coming back again" moment. This could be because of a horrible haircut or something really, really, embarrassing (which, with me, is most often the case).

The stylist was blow drying my hair with high heat for the longest time in order to achieve that flipped out look that would last for 6 seconds before I put my hair back in a ponytail. I was wearing a thin dark t-shirt and when I finally got up and removed the hair smock, aka the heat blanket, my shirt was all wrinkled and had little sweat streaks running along my back. I know because the salon had mirrors – lots and lots of mirrors. In fact, they're even facing each other, so that you can look into one and just see a whole line, a whole army even, of sweat streaked shirts.

So in answer to the earlier question of What would you like today?… To curl up in a ball of shame and embarrassment



	Friday, August 13, 2004 · posted at 9:27 PM Bird's nest. I just got my hair cut for the first time in over a year. This isn't counting any kind of trim or split-end finding mission (which is often done sitting in my car in traffic or at my desk in the office) – I'm talking about the full-on $100+ haircut and color that starts with one of those feel good head massages/shampoos and ends with a relentless push to make a $100+ purchase of hair products. Anyone who's seen, touched, or heard (the crinkle-crinkle of my crispy ends rubbing together) my hair knows that I was way overdue for a hair treatment. Aside from the tight grasp of my purse strings when it comes to beauty treatments such as manicures, pedicures and makeup – what was stopping me from this much needed service? In my health promotion class, we learned that disease prevention programs (such as mammograms to screen for breast cancer, daily flossing to prevent cavity and tooth decay) can be really difficult to implement. One of the reasons is because people know they haven't been doing what they should and don't attend appointments or screenings because they fear the judgment of those in an authority position. To me, going to the stylist isn't much different from going to the dentist or doctor. I know I should… but I really dread it. In the same way people fear the doctor in the white coat asking about their exercise habits or dietary intake, I fear the stylist in Diesel jeans asking these inevitable questions: *When was the last time you got your hair cut?* This is one of those self-perpetuating problems because the longer I go without getting my hair cut, the more I don't want to go get a haircut. *Who's your regular stylist?* Umm, my sister after 5 shots of vodka? This is a tricky question because I want to lie and say "Jen at dearinger" or "Vince at Robert Cromean" or just the generic "someone back home" but I feel like the hair community is small and stylists, like doctors and dentists, have a network and know that there is no Jen from dearinger or Vince from Robert Cromean. What's your daily hair regimen?> Hair is supposed to have a regimen? Truth be told, I don't even brush my hair every day. This used to be acceptable when it was short… no so much when it's long to the point where I can chew on the ends (also something I will not be disclosing). *What kind of products do you use?* I suppose the answer they're looking for is NOT "whatever is on sale at Target." George Michael conditioner? *What would you like today?* A crew cut? A bouffant? My mom's patented bowl cut bangs? Most likely I'm here because I don't know what to do with my hair anymore. But there's no way to avoid that conversation – especially with a new stylist, and the need to cute-ify my hair finally won out over the potential and almost certain mortification… Let me tell ya, I feel more comfortable at the gynecologist than the stylist - at least you're not expected to make small talk with your feet up in metal stirrups. A thought occurred to me as I heard the nth mention by the stylists of this nightmare 7 hour Japanese hair straightening procedure on this woman who had the kinkiest hair ever - what do they say once you've left the seat? We all know we share hilarious work stories with friends or family – the stories of computer illiterate people who "reboot" their computer by turning the monitor on and off, or the idiot who hit the intercom button during a trash-talking conversation about the boss. I know I've started many a story with, "I babysat the craziest kid today" and proceed to talk about details no one would want attached to their name. I can imagine the happy hour fodder right now: "This girl came in looking like the before picture for a Frizz-ease ad." "Her hair was so dry it made the Sahara desert look tropical." "That color was not one God ever intended for this earth." Shudder. And of course, for me, no visit to the salon is complete without the "this is the reason I'm never coming back again" moment. This could be because of a horrible haircut or something really, really, embarrassing (which, with me, is most often the case). The stylist was blow drying my hair with high heat for the longest time in order to achieve that flipped out look that would last for 6 seconds before I put my hair back in a ponytail. I was wearing a thin dark t-shirt and when I finally got up and removed the hair smock, aka the heat blanket, my shirt was all wrinkled and had little sweat streaks running along my back. I know because the salon had mirrors – lots and lots of mirrors. In fact, they're even facing each other, so that you can look into one and just see a whole line, a whole army even, of sweat streaked shirts. So in answer to the earlier question of *What would you like today?*… To curl up in a ball of shame and embarrassment	Recent Posts One in a trillion. … if everyone in the world was ... Appalling mating practices. I can't believe the g... Left on the pedestal. Every week I peruse the Targ... Curtain call. Today was the last day of productio... You brought it upon yourself' It's come to my at... Not your Orwellian drama. The lemonade is squeeze... Action up! Making a movie is really just a lot of... Surely you jest. It's odd for me to think of paren... The one with the boobies. Galvez has a theory that... Author's note: Some programs are required to have ... 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